The Last STEP…

The Last STEP…
Ting tong …. Ting tong….it was the doorbell, my sister who was busy uploading photographs on facebook from her friend’s birthday party last night shouted out ,”mummy, can you check who’s there at the door?” “Han Han beta, main to tumhare baap ki naukar hoon na!!” was mom’s reply….as she was busy preparing dinner. Ting tong…..Ting tong….Now, my sister was getting on my mom’s nerves….she knew that mom gets irritated very easily and I don’t know why but she always did this for fun.
Mom washed her hands off in a hurry. She came to the living room where Nidhi (my sister) had already begun the process of tagging her friends in the pics she had just uploaded. Mom had an angry look on her face and Nidhi……..as usual had a smile to tease her a bit. Mom glanced at the wall clock…it was 6 o’clock in the evening. She murmured to herself ,’who that might be’…but my ever-so-active sister heard her….and said ,”Dekho Geeta aunty to nahi aa gayi fir se tumhe kisi kirtan pe invite karne”. Geeta aunty is our neighbor, who always had one or two reason to borrow our mom from us…. Mom was furious now……..but….Ting tong.
It was indeed Geeta aunty at the door but this time, to my mom’s surprise, with a worrying look on her face……tears started rolling down her cheeks…..my mom’s expressions changed from irritated to worried…..a bit more tense. She held my mom’s hand and took her out of the apartment. They reached the ground floor…..and ….what mom saw made her scream ……scream…..scream…..and she fainted.
Two weeks ago…..
I was very eagerly waiting for my MBA results. It was supposed to be announced today by 5 pm. I was nervous to the point that it seemed the clock has stopped……I looked for the 50^th time at the clock in the past 30 mins…… and was really getting tired of refreshing the result page. It was down because of overload. I was dying to see my results as I had given everything this time around ….. my career, time, money….everything…..i had resigned from my job a month back….and had no other options left to do. It was my last hope…
Suddenly the green lines on the progress bar started increasing……I closed my eyes…prayed …..and …..it was only 75 percentile……yes it was only 75 percentile….i could not believe it…..the amount of effort , the way my exam went …. I was pretty sure to score above 95 percentile and get admission to a decent college….but destiny , fate ,  god  whatever you may call it……had another plans. I was devastated and completely broke.
The present …..but a few minutes ago….
Climbing the stairs to my roof ……I thought to myself …. What next to do Mr. Overconfident……..Mr Ass****…..you put everything on the line …everything. I sat on the water tank of our apartment…..the view from there was truly mesmerizing. The sun setting in the background…small kids playing in the lawns… ladies gossiping … Men returning from work.
But there was something unique that day… the scene was too perfect as if I was watching a movie. I was suddenly noticing every minute detail that was there to be seen. The whole scenery made me forget what I was thinking… yes yes … I remember…what next…this was the only thing that overburdened my mind for the past two weeks… My life had suddenly become blank… i had nowhere to go…
Slowly and slowly I began to realize that I am nothing but 25 years of failures n failures… I was a COMPLETE LOSER… I realized that how I had never made my parents proud of myself… one or two consolations prizes here n there… thats it… i lost my only love last year… my parents were divorced… and I could not do anything about it. The only thing … the only hope that kept my mom alive was … that… someday she’ll see her son standing tall and successful… but I failed her too… i had failed everyone in my life…
I sat there and saw the sun setting on my life… by now the wind had a nervous feel to it… my palms became moist… my heart sank… I stood up… went to the edge of the building… took my mom’s name… closed my eyes… saw her face and took the LAST STEP……

By the time I made contact with the ground…my whole life flashbacked. The next thing I realized was …i was lying in a pool of blood… I could see the bone of my thigh tore my muscle and skin and came out… i could not feel any of my limbs … realizing that this was my last… i took one last breathe…saw my Goddess… my mother, screaming my name…and everything blacked out…..
For all those who have been successful,
For all those who have seen failure,
For all those who have won,
For all those who have lost,
For all those who want to win,
For all those who still have hope
And
For all those who will SUCCEED….
Its not a GOODBYE,
But it’s a GOOD BYE….aur han never think of taking this step.
MANAS “SAMEER” MUKUL